10 Reasons Why You’ll Never Be Wifey by Nova Giovanni

  1. You love drama. You act like you hate it, but you love it. If you didn’t love it, you would stay away from it. You and drama should date.

  2. You have daddy issues that make it hard for you to trust men. Okay, you don’t know your father. It left you scarred. Get over it. It is probably your mother’s fault anyway. She’s a bad judge of character.

  3. You party too much. If your feet are on a dance floor more than it is on a kitchen floor – you are not worthy. No, you are not. Not yet.

  4. You flirt too much. When in a relationship, that is a no-no. Shut them down. When a man says something to you, and you giggle, he interprets that as “She wants me.” Stop giving them false hopes. Or perhaps they aren’t false hopes. You dirty whore, you.

  5. You can’t hold a decent conversation about decent topics. There is more to life than fashion, music, gossip, and sex. We can still talk about sex though. But, more action.

  6. Your hygiene isn’t up to par. Sand under your fingernails. Unkempt hair. Dirty Belly-button. You smell like a hamster. You ought to be ashamed.

  7. You smoke cigarettes. Sure, you look fine now. But, what kind of person would want to be in a long term relationship with you – knowing you’ll be wrinkled like a California raisin in the near future.

  8. You take advice from your single friends. Those lonely hoes are single for a reason. Don’t you forget that.

  9. You have high expectations with nothing to offer. What do you bring to the relationship other than another man’s children?

  10. You’re a hoe. Sure, you may be reformed now. But, you still used to be a hoe. No, we will not get over your past. There are people on death row who committed murders 8 years ago. You should have been more discreet with your hoe activities. Maybe next lifetime…

    -Nova Giovanni

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