How To Turn A Hoe Into A HouseWife by Nova Giovanni

Yes, you read the title correctly. We’ve all heard the saying, “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife”. But, I disagree with that statement. A wise man once said (R. Kelly), “if you can believe it – you can achieve it.” I believe in you. More importantly, I believe in my advice to you.

First of all, we have to estimate their CURRENT level of hoeness. We all have a past, so lets concentrate on the present. A great way to figure out their current hoe level is by meeting their friends. Are their friends sluts? Birds of a feather flock together. Don’t believe that, “me and my friends are separate people” gibberish. The first step into turning your hoe into a housewife is convincing her to find more positive friends. No woman walking barefoot in nightclubs is worthy of being your companion.

Second, meet her family. What is her mother like? If her mother listens to Waka Flocka instead of Luther Vandross – this job may be harder than we first thought. Does her mother offer you a glass of sweet tea, or does she offer you a 40 ounce of Miller High Life? You may need to tell her to cut off all communication with her mother also. If she doesn’t, she isn’t serious about converting from her hoe ways to the straight path.

Third, let her meet your friends. See how she interacts with them. The best way to do this is by secretly leaving a webcam recording the activities of your livingroom. Invite one of your friends over, then hit the shower. Review the footage later to assess whether she has abandoned her hoe activities yet. If she happens to have approached your friend, its still a winning situation. “It aint no fun if the homies can’t have none!”

Finally, you must know what to expect of her. If your new housewife disappoints you by relapsing and doing something slutty – you must accept it and move on. Perhaps, you under-trained her. No one promoted beyond their capacity can expect to do a job the right way. Its never wise to love the one you first lusted. Besides, you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. I just made all this stuff up.

I Love You,

      Nova Giovanni