“Man Laws” by Nova Giovanni

  • Always take your shirt off before taking your pants off. As soon as you’re only wearing a shirt, it automatically becomes a nightgown. Men don’t wear gowns.
  • If you make eye contact with another man, you have to immediately either ask him for directions or fight him. Don’t ask why. Thats just how it is.
  • You are hereby to like only one team in any given sport. It is however permissible to support local teams at times if your favorite team isn’t local and isn’t playing that day/night.
  • Always put your pants on one leg at a time. It is strictly forbidden to lay your back on the  bed with your legs in the air & try putting your jeans on. ONE… LEG…AT…A…TIME…BRO…
  • When walking in the rain, you are only allowed to use an umbrella if you’re walking with a woman. Man law #232 states you should wear a hooded jacket if the forecast calls for rain.
  • If a woman asks you to hold her purse, you are only allowed to hold it for under 2 minutes. Keep in mind that it is only permissible to hold it tucked under your arm like a football, NEVER by the straps.
  • You can’t back down from a fight or lose a fight in front of your girlfriend/wife. If you do, you HAVE to break up with her! If not, every time ya’ll argue – she’ll say, “you didn’t have that much heart when that dude beat yo ass!!!” …how you gonna live with that?
  • When hugging another man, he must be like family. Furthermore, it is only permissible to side hug him with one arm. No chest to chest or pelvis to pelvis hugs are allowed.

I WOULD tell you I love you (like usual), but that isn’t very manly…

-Nova Giovanni




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